Realizing That There Is More To Life

This trip has been like a really long vision trip for me... Im still amazed everyday at the amount that I have grown and the things that I have learned here... Things that I didn´t even know about myself. Things I have realized about my past and things that I am starting to realize about my future.

I´m not really sure if its because I cant handle it or if its because of something else but I feel like God has always given me vision for my future a piece at a time. When I graduated high school... He told me to do the CMC internship... When I got done with that... He told me to go back to cooking school... When I quite (jaja... it was justified) I had no idea what to do... so He got me a job in construction... all of these things were vital in getting me to where I am now. Even the construction job... this holds great value in my future and paved a way for me to get here to Mexico!! I didnt always realize that I was being led by God... but I sure was... For example... I did the internship with CMC because I was going to be homeless and they provided host homes... funny thing was that they didnt for six months and that was the time where I got to live with my brother Nick that I wrote about in a different blog... I dont always know it at the time but He is always ALWAYS there... however... there has been something missing in all of it... I was always without a long term goal... something to work towards in the long run... and so I suffered in a lot of areas in my life...

I found that I was constantly without motivation for my life. I wasn´t necessarily always sad. I enjoyed life for the most part... but deep down inside of me something was missing... I felt that a large part of me was dormant... and I couldnt figure out what or why. I had a good job, that provided for me very well... I was in a great church full of people I loved... I have the best family (its absolutely perfectly my perfect family) but I was not content with any of it... It just wasnt enough... I knew that I was meant for more but had no idea what! The lame thing is that because I didnt know exactly what I wanted to do with my life... I was just doing nothing. I would tell myself, "Well I dont know what I want to do,... so why waste time going towards something if its not what im really meant for!?!" I really believe now that that was a big fat lie that i was chewing on for years! I realized during this trip... that even though I dont know what I want to be doing... or what exactly God has called me to do... He defiantly didnt call me to do nothing! I need to start moving in a direction so that God can guide me... He cant tell me where to go if i refuse to move!!!

Because I lacked a serious sense of purpose and vision for my life... I was constantly battling with myself and with my everyday life. I hated working just for the sake of making money... I found no joy in working in a job that I felt had no greater purpose in my life... (im talking about my construction job) and i now find that I couldnt have been more wrong about that!

Another area that I suffered in was just going through life...(sounds stupid when I say it like that) but if you really know me (like my family) you know that I was often really full of joy... the joke maker... I always love being the family tard... but there was always some deep sadness or dissatisfaction with my life... and I think that it could be seen in my attitude. Something that really plagued me was the fact that the only dream that I had for myself was to get married. God gave me a really big heart for family... and I knew that it was something that I really wanted (and still do) but it consumed my every thought. I couldnt go sit and read in starbucks without wondering if I was going to meet my wife that day... if I went to Target... I would wonder "Which one is my potential wife"... I wasnt stupid and naive about it (maybe a tiny bit) I wasnt just going to marry the first semi-decent girl I came across but none the less I was consumed by the thought of marriage... and every night when I went home un-engaged I was filled with despair... I took soooo much focus away from the real dreams (or the other dreams) that God has for me. Although... I know that this is still a large part of what I want in my future... It is no longer my sole aim in life... and for the first time in my life... I can honestly say that I am willing to wait for God´s timing... ESPECIALLY if it is going to interfere in the dreams and visions that He created me for...

I am convinced that God created us all with some sense of what He wanted us to accomplish... A unique purpose and vision for all of us. Something that we dont figure out from the world... but by searching within ourselves... looking past the lies the world tells us... the doubts in our own minds... fear... laziness... and the multiple other things that stop us... looking deeper than that and discovering the vision that God delivered to our hearts when the Holy Spirit came to us!!! Its already there, inside of us just waiting to be released... We just need to get past all the things that are stopping us from accomplishing it... From believing in it

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord Almighty has sworn, `Surely as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.´" Isaiah 14:24

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb,I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; ... My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."Psalms 139: 13-16

This and countless other scriptures tells me that God probably has some idea (if not a very clear one) of what He hoped and wanted us to accomplish here on earth. And I find hope in that fact. We are created with a purpose... and God has paved the way for us to accomplish it. He doesnt give us more than we can handle. What He designed us to accomplish, He gave us everything we need to see it through... every gift that is necessary to accomplish it. And He doesnt want to see those gifts wasted... He invested those gifts in us to be put to use and He expects that we will.

"God´s gifts and His call are irrevocable." Romans 11:29

Its time to stop making the excuses that we are soooo used to falling back on... Excuses like "When my life gets less complicated," "Or when im more confident in what I want to do," or "After I pray about it more," or "I have to many responsibilities to go after that." Let them go and have faith in the God that created you.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

God´s power is at work in us... "His vision and His spirit are at work within us, and that is more than enough potential for our needs." It is important to seek balance in our lives... But what a waste if that is our sole aim. I read in a book recently..." True balance is the maintenance of equilibrium while moving toward a destination. A good example of this truth is the way a ship functions on the ocean. A ship always needs to maintain balance. Wouldn't it be a waste of precious time and fuel, however, for a boat to expend all its energy just trying to balance on the water so that it didn't tip over? ...A ship keeps its balance as it makes its way to a specific port. Likewise, we need to have a destination while we're maintaining balance in our lives."

I feel more hope and joy in my return that I would have thought possible. And this is only because I am beginning to realize the vision God has for my life. And know matter how long it takes or how hard it is (and I'm sure it will be) I find excitement in knowing that Im working towards it!!!! Each step I take now... Is just a step to bigger and better things... and I know that even along the way... God is going to be using me to touch peoples lives.