LOVE

Well, thats a BIG subject to write about... but its what this trip has really been about for me. Day after day after day after day I learn more about God´s love and what it means in my life. If you know me... you know that I cry... and well im not usually really ashamed of it... but in the recent weeks I sure do cry more...But its not out of sadness or loneliness like in the beginning of the trip... Its simply when I think about God... or my family... or even silly things like... When I think about things that I love and know love me in return. People that I wouldnt even have hardly considered friends... I now feel so much love for... For people I dont even know... my heart cries for...When I think about the youth in the Kitsap Peninsula and how lost sooo many of them are... And how much I wish that I could show them the love that I have discovered... Just let see a little bit of what is in my mind and heart...

Something that God recently showed me...(and I knew long ago, but never really let this all sink in) is that my love is a reflection of His. When I think about this I can hardly contain myself. It brings me to tears so easy. To know that I am able to love my family sooo passionately and my friends and people who are lost... is all because God loves me sooooo much. The more that I let Him love me, the more I in turn am able to love others. The more I let Him love me the more I am able to love Him... Every time I think about how much I love my sister Pam... or my brother Samuel or any of my others... every time... I think about the fact that love did not originate inside of me but it comes from God my Father... His love is so special and real. While it IS some cosmic thing that we cant understand,... His love is also something very intimate and personal and real. The closer I get to Him the more I realize that His love really is like that of a Father. The ultimate Father.

Now sometimes when im missin home I just sit down and think about my family. One time when I was sitting in the Center of Rehabilitation that we go to every week... I was day dreaming about what it was gonna be like in the airport when I arrive back in Seattle. I was thinking that I was going to cry the moment I saw one of my family... lots of smiling and hugging and kissing... and lots and lots of crying... All because of this amazing love that God has blessed me with for them. And how happy I was going to be to be reunited with them. God suddenly stopped me in my thoughts and made me think about the story of the Prodigal Son... this story came alive to me in that moment... How the father in the story was sooo happy to have his son back, not caring about anything in the past or anything else, only that his son was back... God showed me... He really is that Father... When we slip into religious routine.... or into sin... or just out of intimacy with Him... that is how He feels upon our return to Him.... not holding our wrongs against us.. but running to us... He showed me that the love and joy that I will feel when I see my family and am back with them is only a hint of what His love is like for us... for me.. for my brothers and sisters... I cant imagine the depths of His love....

It fills me with compassion and praise for everyone that is around me. For members of my family who have a challenging time walking with God because of things that have happened in their past... the way people or other family members (including myself) have treated them....how some of my brothers or sisters have anger issues because of the way their father treated them... or how they have been blinded from God´s love bye things that have made them unhappy perverted their idea of what love really is... But God has given them to me... to ME... and me to them... And all I have to do is keep praying for them.... and as I allow God to love me and in turn love Him... that love is going to spill out to my family and to my friends and even to strangers... God has given me visions... of people who are close to me being reunited to Him... visions of Him using ME (in spite of all my faults) to bring people that I love and cherish back to Him... or even to Him for the first time... Visions of what my family would look like if we were completely united under His beautiful and powerful name... I have seen it and I know that its coming... God has giving me so much purpose and vision for my life the last three weeks... Something that I have never had before... AND I'M EXCITED