Im not going to write much on this subject mostly because I dont really feel like it is very interesting ( but to answer questions I have received) This might just be the hardest part of the trip as of yet... living under the roof and laws of a new family... As a 22 year old (almost 23) and having to constantly deal with house rules and the dictatorship of an 18 and 16 year old is very challenging indeed...
I live with the pastor, his wife and their three children... Isidro, Rebehka (spelling mas o menos), Sayde (daughter 20), Gerson (son18), and Eder (son 16)... They are a pretty close family and can be a lot of fun... I really respect Isidro a lot and am constantly wishing that I could communicate with him better,...I know that there is so much wisdom that I could feed off and maybe some that I could feed him. The wife is extremely kind and always makes sure that I have everything that I need.
WELL I WROTE A LARGE COUPLE OF PARAGRAPHS ABOUT MY HOST brothers and sisters but I felt like I was complaining too much... Just pray that God gives me supernatural patience and that... ya just pray... Jajaja
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
JUST PUSH...(JAJA...THANKS LARRY)
Everyday I am confronted by the fact that God is needed here in Mazatlan...and in ways that fill me with compassion for its people. They are so hungry for truth, love and Jesus. But there seems to be sooo much confusion, and ignorance and acceptance of lies and deceits and the twisting of God´s Word. Confusion and ignorance in the are of spiritual warfare...With in the very church that I am working... I have seen the abuse of the authority given by God to belittle the youth and impose guilt on them for sinless acts. This fills me with such frustration. Especially because I can´t speak up for myself or others who are powerless to do so for themselves solely because of the language barrier and lack of relationship between me and the church members. I am constantly asking God, "Why did you send me here?? I'm making no progress...no change... are my efforts in vain?? Am I working my self physically and spiritually for the sake of nothing??" I came here because God put a vision in my heart...and I assumed that it was to make changes...and feeling like those changes aren't happening has filled me with a false sense of failure...And has made me question daily...what my purpose here really is...
Almost daily I receive emails from a devoted friend in my church named Larry... Because of my limited Internet time, I put them all in a folder and read a few when I can... yesterday I read this one, it is almost a month old, but I think God was having me save it on purpose...
"A man was sleeping one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light,and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to Push against the rock with all his might... So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sunup to sundown,his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might!
Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, Feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: (He will do it every time)! You have been pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't moved." Thus, he gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. Satan said, "Why kill yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."
That's what the weary man planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of Prayer and to take his troubled thoughts to The Lord. "Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in Your Service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time,I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter.What is wrong? Why am I failing?" The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed.
But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back shiny and brown; your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much,and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. True, you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be Obedient and to push and to exercise your Faith and trust in My Wisdom. That you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock."
God showed me that I am the man in the story... Maybe I'm not here to change Mazatlan right now...maybe its here to change me!!!! Perhaps my being here is enough...and that when God is ready, HE will push this rock. What I do know is this... when I return to Washington... I will not be the same... I am not the same... Through all my labors and struggles God has strengthened me and has toned me... He is preparing me to do something that I have not seen yet... But at the very thought of this I can hardly contain myself!!!! Something big awaits me... all I can keep doing is JUST PUSH!!!!
Almost daily I receive emails from a devoted friend in my church named Larry... Because of my limited Internet time, I put them all in a folder and read a few when I can... yesterday I read this one, it is almost a month old, but I think God was having me save it on purpose...
"A man was sleeping one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light,and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to Push against the rock with all his might... So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sunup to sundown,his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might!
Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, Feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the weary mind: (He will do it every time)! You have been pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't moved." Thus, he gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. Satan said, "Why kill yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."
That's what the weary man planned to do, but decided to make it a matter of Prayer and to take his troubled thoughts to The Lord. "Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in Your Service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time,I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter.What is wrong? Why am I failing?" The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve Me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed.
But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back shiny and brown; your hands are callused from constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much,and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. True, you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be Obedient and to push and to exercise your Faith and trust in My Wisdom. That you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the rock."
God showed me that I am the man in the story... Maybe I'm not here to change Mazatlan right now...maybe its here to change me!!!! Perhaps my being here is enough...and that when God is ready, HE will push this rock. What I do know is this... when I return to Washington... I will not be the same... I am not the same... Through all my labors and struggles God has strengthened me and has toned me... He is preparing me to do something that I have not seen yet... But at the very thought of this I can hardly contain myself!!!! Something big awaits me... all I can keep doing is JUST PUSH!!!!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
CARNAVAL
Well...this is basically the big spring break thing in Mazatlan. It last about a week and thousands of people come for it. My church (Torre Fuerte) linked up with the YWAM base here for the week and we worked together doing various ministries...
The first night of Carnaval, me and a small group of Mexicans went into Carnaval because I wanted to get a sense of what it was like and to see for myself what was the big deal... After we paid to get in, they separated all the men into one line and all the women into another...slowly we began to pass through the entrance. They let about 15 men go through...and I was about to walk away when they stopped us and 15 men with machine guns and body armor ( that were apparently hiding in the shadows because I hadnt noticed them) put all of us to a wall and then frisked us. Now this wouldnt have been that big of a deal...except... I was separated from my Mexicans and didnt know what the heck was going on... Mexican law keepers seem to be a little more frightening to me???? Well, when I was done getting molested I regrouped with my friend and we started walking deeper into Carnaval. It didnt take me very long to see and feel why so many people were concerned with what happens there...We walked along in silence (mostly because I didnt feel like I could talk) I was horrified with how many people were running around the street drunk...and all kinds other things that I wont list. I felt such a strong sense of the enemies presence in there that It took all the joy out of me...I wish that I could put into words all the things that ran through my head that night...but it is impossible. I made me realize, though, that there are a lot of the things that the Devil has control of and that if we dont challenge him...he isnt going to be challenged. That is why there was almost a hundred people from my church and YWAM and other places committed to ministry that week...we wanted to challenge him...and we had all the authority, given by Jesus, to do so...
One of the ministries was going into Carnaval every night and ministering to people that were actually in there...however...I didnt think that my heart was strong enough for that so I stayed a few blocks from the entrance where multiply other ministries were taking place... There was a worship service...An intercession and prayer group... Two coffee bars hounded with Christians... a graffiti contest and others I cant remember. For the most part I handed out tracts (I dont like to call them...but I dont know what else to call them) and invited them to the coffee places... I honestly had a really hard time that week.
One of the nights the YWAM base came to our church to pray for Carnaval. This was when my week started to become more difficult. I prayed that night that God would break my heart for the people in Carnaval...To give me as much as I could handle...To let me feel a piece of what He feels for them. Well,...He answered my prayer and I think that He answered it completely...and He literally gave me as much sorrow and compassion as I could handle. It felt a little like depression,...It was a sadness that I felt I couldnt bare. I felt like I wanted to run in there and start screaming at the top of my lungs at all the people...and tell them about the amazing God that I have come to know...and about His love...but instead all I was doing was handing out paper and saying a few words (cafe...es gratis...pasale por favor) Although I wanted to do more...I was mortified...And this created a huge battle between my body and my soul. My soul wanted to do everything I possible could...but my body was so gripped with fear that I didnt do anything. This filled me with anger and sadness,...I felt like I was failing God and giving into fear. I came here to be used and because of fear...I felt like I wasnt being used at all....
I prayed soo hard that week. And for the first time I felt like God was telling me to fast. It was only a day (because it was in the heart of my sickness...ya know the riha) But I felt like I heard God so clear that day...And He took that guilt away from me and He told me that it was ok...To get up and try again...this wouldn't be my last opportunity to face that fear...
I read in a book recently this statement...and even though it is relatively simple...it spoke very loudly to me... "God knows what to do with those who have confirmed their rebellion. But He is merciful to those of His children who fall frequently while learning to walk." - I GIVE YOU AUTHORITY.... When we fall...or slip away from intimacy...or give into fear, He isnt sitting up in heaven pissed off...Hes looking at us with compassion, with His hands out saying..."Come on, get back up...I know you can do it..." and this fills me with hope and gives me just a little be clearer idea of what His love is like...
The first night of Carnaval, me and a small group of Mexicans went into Carnaval because I wanted to get a sense of what it was like and to see for myself what was the big deal... After we paid to get in, they separated all the men into one line and all the women into another...slowly we began to pass through the entrance. They let about 15 men go through...and I was about to walk away when they stopped us and 15 men with machine guns and body armor ( that were apparently hiding in the shadows because I hadnt noticed them) put all of us to a wall and then frisked us. Now this wouldnt have been that big of a deal...except... I was separated from my Mexicans and didnt know what the heck was going on... Mexican law keepers seem to be a little more frightening to me???? Well, when I was done getting molested I regrouped with my friend and we started walking deeper into Carnaval. It didnt take me very long to see and feel why so many people were concerned with what happens there...We walked along in silence (mostly because I didnt feel like I could talk) I was horrified with how many people were running around the street drunk...and all kinds other things that I wont list. I felt such a strong sense of the enemies presence in there that It took all the joy out of me...I wish that I could put into words all the things that ran through my head that night...but it is impossible. I made me realize, though, that there are a lot of the things that the Devil has control of and that if we dont challenge him...he isnt going to be challenged. That is why there was almost a hundred people from my church and YWAM and other places committed to ministry that week...we wanted to challenge him...and we had all the authority, given by Jesus, to do so...
One of the ministries was going into Carnaval every night and ministering to people that were actually in there...however...I didnt think that my heart was strong enough for that so I stayed a few blocks from the entrance where multiply other ministries were taking place... There was a worship service...An intercession and prayer group... Two coffee bars hounded with Christians... a graffiti contest and others I cant remember. For the most part I handed out tracts (I dont like to call them...but I dont know what else to call them) and invited them to the coffee places... I honestly had a really hard time that week.
One of the nights the YWAM base came to our church to pray for Carnaval. This was when my week started to become more difficult. I prayed that night that God would break my heart for the people in Carnaval...To give me as much as I could handle...To let me feel a piece of what He feels for them. Well,...He answered my prayer and I think that He answered it completely...and He literally gave me as much sorrow and compassion as I could handle. It felt a little like depression,...It was a sadness that I felt I couldnt bare. I felt like I wanted to run in there and start screaming at the top of my lungs at all the people...and tell them about the amazing God that I have come to know...and about His love...but instead all I was doing was handing out paper and saying a few words (cafe...es gratis...pasale por favor) Although I wanted to do more...I was mortified...And this created a huge battle between my body and my soul. My soul wanted to do everything I possible could...but my body was so gripped with fear that I didnt do anything. This filled me with anger and sadness,...I felt like I was failing God and giving into fear. I came here to be used and because of fear...I felt like I wasnt being used at all....
I prayed soo hard that week. And for the first time I felt like God was telling me to fast. It was only a day (because it was in the heart of my sickness...ya know the riha) But I felt like I heard God so clear that day...And He took that guilt away from me and He told me that it was ok...To get up and try again...this wouldn't be my last opportunity to face that fear...
I read in a book recently this statement...and even though it is relatively simple...it spoke very loudly to me... "God knows what to do with those who have confirmed their rebellion. But He is merciful to those of His children who fall frequently while learning to walk." - I GIVE YOU AUTHORITY.... When we fall...or slip away from intimacy...or give into fear, He isnt sitting up in heaven pissed off...Hes looking at us with compassion, with His hands out saying..."Come on, get back up...I know you can do it..." and this fills me with hope and gives me just a little be clearer idea of what His love is like...
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
I LOST THREE WEEKS!!!
So basically...Keeping up on here has been close to impossible. So much has happened here in the last three weeks that it would take at least 8 hours to write it all. What I'm going to attempt to do is give a brief synopsis of the three weeks and then go back and elaborate on certain areas...( as a side point, I don´t really know why my manner of speaking is so different when I write compared to when i really am speaking...I think I sound smarter when I'm writing, jaja)...anyway...
Well,...its hard to decide where to start...but here it goes.
It was extremely hard to adapt to the language barrier. My Spanish is really really lame...well it was really lame. Its improved a whole lot. Although I'm finding that I have reached a hard point because the Mexicans all know what I know and what I don't... so they only say words that they know I know...which makes it hard to learn, because...i already know!!!! However, I am far less stressed about spanish as I once was upon my arrival,...thank God!!!
My ministry activities are mostly the same, however, there has been a few changes...
Tuesdays: I arrive at the church at around 8 in the morning and work there until around one or two... Just doing maintenance type stuff (painting, sweeping...). And then in the evening we usually just do whatever comes up...
Wednesdays: In the morning it is the same thing as on monday mornings... then in the afternoon, instead of going to the prison (It was too hard to get the credentials) I know go to a rehabilitation center. They hold a small church service there and we go for two hours and minister to the men... this times has actually been really big for me... ill write more on it later... In the evening the church holds a two hour service, for the purpose of prayer only... The people are so dedicated to seeing their city be changed for God.
Thursdays: These mornings are the most important to me... I arrive at the church at around 8 again and spend the entire morning...until one or two...just praying and worshipping God...reading my Bible and books about God... By practicing this it has become a daily thing for me...not to feel like I have to... But really finally having a passion to read my Bible and spend as much time with God as possible... In the evening we go to a town called Villa Union... where a church is being planted... Its very small right now,... but there is some very committed people who serve there. I gave the sermon there last night... and unfortunately it didn't go as well as I would have liked... I know have a new respect for pastors....
Fridays: I meet at a place called Valles del Ejido... basically a giant dirt field... where three of us our digging the forms for what will one day be classrooms for children. This sometimes is my favorite form of ministry...because it is the only ministry that you can really measure the results... sometimes i dont really feel like im really being used by God here...and so its nice to see the fruit of my labors in a tangible way every once in awhile... We get done at 1 or 2 (unless the two people i work with are feeling lazy...which is often unfortunately). Most friday evenings are free for me to do what I like..
Saturdays: I meet in Valles del Ejido again for the childrens ministry...Right now we meet under some really sad tarps that are torn to bits... I pray that the classrooms will begin to go up faster... I really am beginning to love this time, now that a large number of the children have warmed up to me... We teach Bible stories and feed them and children from all over the area walk far just to be there... Its such a humbling time,...to see all the children and mothers who are in such great need. The houses in the area a far from comfortable by our standards...some constructed of sheet metal and other trash...some only partially built...with dirt roads... Its a very special time for me... In the evening is the Youth Group...which like all the church services is extremely boring for me (due to the fact that i cant understand anything)...
Sundays: Is of coarse church...which can last from one and a half hours to three...its very hard for me to sit through because I cant understand the worship or the sermon (and no one translates for me)...although because of this it has made me greatly grow in my relationship with God...I have no church to feed off of...no community worship...no leaders to feed me... I have come to depend almost entirely off of myself...This was a new concept for me...and a challenge!!! To make sure that I was spending time to learn about God entirely on my own...in a way I had never had to do before...And finding the times where I would only have my Zune (thank you Luke) to worship with. I cant say that I dont miss worshiping with other people in my own language. I can now say, however, that I have a much deeper relationship with God than I ever thought possible. Ive come to greatly desire and thrive off my time with God. And if I miss a morning with Him,...all I can think about all day is, "when am I going to get some alone time with God!!!" Its precious.
Sunday evenings and all of monday are free for me. We usually see a movie every sunday night...which is fun...except when they are in spanish with no english subtitles.... (but its a great way to watch a movie if you want to depend entirely on your imagination...and its very unpredictable this way)...
This is the basic overview of my week... but every week (without exception) has a little curve ball in it...some more than others...
Well,...its hard to decide where to start...but here it goes.
It was extremely hard to adapt to the language barrier. My Spanish is really really lame...well it was really lame. Its improved a whole lot. Although I'm finding that I have reached a hard point because the Mexicans all know what I know and what I don't... so they only say words that they know I know...which makes it hard to learn, because...i already know!!!! However, I am far less stressed about spanish as I once was upon my arrival,...thank God!!!
My ministry activities are mostly the same, however, there has been a few changes...
Tuesdays: I arrive at the church at around 8 in the morning and work there until around one or two... Just doing maintenance type stuff (painting, sweeping...). And then in the evening we usually just do whatever comes up...
Wednesdays: In the morning it is the same thing as on monday mornings... then in the afternoon, instead of going to the prison (It was too hard to get the credentials) I know go to a rehabilitation center. They hold a small church service there and we go for two hours and minister to the men... this times has actually been really big for me... ill write more on it later... In the evening the church holds a two hour service, for the purpose of prayer only... The people are so dedicated to seeing their city be changed for God.
Thursdays: These mornings are the most important to me... I arrive at the church at around 8 again and spend the entire morning...until one or two...just praying and worshipping God...reading my Bible and books about God... By practicing this it has become a daily thing for me...not to feel like I have to... But really finally having a passion to read my Bible and spend as much time with God as possible... In the evening we go to a town called Villa Union... where a church is being planted... Its very small right now,... but there is some very committed people who serve there. I gave the sermon there last night... and unfortunately it didn't go as well as I would have liked... I know have a new respect for pastors....
Fridays: I meet at a place called Valles del Ejido... basically a giant dirt field... where three of us our digging the forms for what will one day be classrooms for children. This sometimes is my favorite form of ministry...because it is the only ministry that you can really measure the results... sometimes i dont really feel like im really being used by God here...and so its nice to see the fruit of my labors in a tangible way every once in awhile... We get done at 1 or 2 (unless the two people i work with are feeling lazy...which is often unfortunately). Most friday evenings are free for me to do what I like..
Saturdays: I meet in Valles del Ejido again for the childrens ministry...Right now we meet under some really sad tarps that are torn to bits... I pray that the classrooms will begin to go up faster... I really am beginning to love this time, now that a large number of the children have warmed up to me... We teach Bible stories and feed them and children from all over the area walk far just to be there... Its such a humbling time,...to see all the children and mothers who are in such great need. The houses in the area a far from comfortable by our standards...some constructed of sheet metal and other trash...some only partially built...with dirt roads... Its a very special time for me... In the evening is the Youth Group...which like all the church services is extremely boring for me (due to the fact that i cant understand anything)...
Sundays: Is of coarse church...which can last from one and a half hours to three...its very hard for me to sit through because I cant understand the worship or the sermon (and no one translates for me)...although because of this it has made me greatly grow in my relationship with God...I have no church to feed off of...no community worship...no leaders to feed me... I have come to depend almost entirely off of myself...This was a new concept for me...and a challenge!!! To make sure that I was spending time to learn about God entirely on my own...in a way I had never had to do before...And finding the times where I would only have my Zune (thank you Luke) to worship with. I cant say that I dont miss worshiping with other people in my own language. I can now say, however, that I have a much deeper relationship with God than I ever thought possible. Ive come to greatly desire and thrive off my time with God. And if I miss a morning with Him,...all I can think about all day is, "when am I going to get some alone time with God!!!" Its precious.
Sunday evenings and all of monday are free for me. We usually see a movie every sunday night...which is fun...except when they are in spanish with no english subtitles.... (but its a great way to watch a movie if you want to depend entirely on your imagination...and its very unpredictable this way)...
This is the basic overview of my week... but every week (without exception) has a little curve ball in it...some more than others...
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