Realizing That There Is More To Life

This trip has been like a really long vision trip for me... Im still amazed everyday at the amount that I have grown and the things that I have learned here... Things that I didn´t even know about myself. Things I have realized about my past and things that I am starting to realize about my future.

I´m not really sure if its because I cant handle it or if its because of something else but I feel like God has always given me vision for my future a piece at a time. When I graduated high school... He told me to do the CMC internship... When I got done with that... He told me to go back to cooking school... When I quite (jaja... it was justified) I had no idea what to do... so He got me a job in construction... all of these things were vital in getting me to where I am now. Even the construction job... this holds great value in my future and paved a way for me to get here to Mexico!! I didnt always realize that I was being led by God... but I sure was... For example... I did the internship with CMC because I was going to be homeless and they provided host homes... funny thing was that they didnt for six months and that was the time where I got to live with my brother Nick that I wrote about in a different blog... I dont always know it at the time but He is always ALWAYS there... however... there has been something missing in all of it... I was always without a long term goal... something to work towards in the long run... and so I suffered in a lot of areas in my life...

I found that I was constantly without motivation for my life. I wasn´t necessarily always sad. I enjoyed life for the most part... but deep down inside of me something was missing... I felt that a large part of me was dormant... and I couldnt figure out what or why. I had a good job, that provided for me very well... I was in a great church full of people I loved... I have the best family (its absolutely perfectly my perfect family) but I was not content with any of it... It just wasnt enough... I knew that I was meant for more but had no idea what! The lame thing is that because I didnt know exactly what I wanted to do with my life... I was just doing nothing. I would tell myself, "Well I dont know what I want to do,... so why waste time going towards something if its not what im really meant for!?!" I really believe now that that was a big fat lie that i was chewing on for years! I realized during this trip... that even though I dont know what I want to be doing... or what exactly God has called me to do... He defiantly didnt call me to do nothing! I need to start moving in a direction so that God can guide me... He cant tell me where to go if i refuse to move!!!

Because I lacked a serious sense of purpose and vision for my life... I was constantly battling with myself and with my everyday life. I hated working just for the sake of making money... I found no joy in working in a job that I felt had no greater purpose in my life... (im talking about my construction job) and i now find that I couldnt have been more wrong about that!

Another area that I suffered in was just going through life...(sounds stupid when I say it like that) but if you really know me (like my family) you know that I was often really full of joy... the joke maker... I always love being the family tard... but there was always some deep sadness or dissatisfaction with my life... and I think that it could be seen in my attitude. Something that really plagued me was the fact that the only dream that I had for myself was to get married. God gave me a really big heart for family... and I knew that it was something that I really wanted (and still do) but it consumed my every thought. I couldnt go sit and read in starbucks without wondering if I was going to meet my wife that day... if I went to Target... I would wonder "Which one is my potential wife"... I wasnt stupid and naive about it (maybe a tiny bit) I wasnt just going to marry the first semi-decent girl I came across but none the less I was consumed by the thought of marriage... and every night when I went home un-engaged I was filled with despair... I took soooo much focus away from the real dreams (or the other dreams) that God has for me. Although... I know that this is still a large part of what I want in my future... It is no longer my sole aim in life... and for the first time in my life... I can honestly say that I am willing to wait for God´s timing... ESPECIALLY if it is going to interfere in the dreams and visions that He created me for...

I am convinced that God created us all with some sense of what He wanted us to accomplish... A unique purpose and vision for all of us. Something that we dont figure out from the world... but by searching within ourselves... looking past the lies the world tells us... the doubts in our own minds... fear... laziness... and the multiple other things that stop us... looking deeper than that and discovering the vision that God delivered to our hearts when the Holy Spirit came to us!!! Its already there, inside of us just waiting to be released... We just need to get past all the things that are stopping us from accomplishing it... From believing in it

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"The Lord Almighty has sworn, `Surely as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.´" Isaiah 14:24

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb,I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; ... My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."Psalms 139: 13-16

This and countless other scriptures tells me that God probably has some idea (if not a very clear one) of what He hoped and wanted us to accomplish here on earth. And I find hope in that fact. We are created with a purpose... and God has paved the way for us to accomplish it. He doesnt give us more than we can handle. What He designed us to accomplish, He gave us everything we need to see it through... every gift that is necessary to accomplish it. And He doesnt want to see those gifts wasted... He invested those gifts in us to be put to use and He expects that we will.

"God´s gifts and His call are irrevocable." Romans 11:29

Its time to stop making the excuses that we are soooo used to falling back on... Excuses like "When my life gets less complicated," "Or when im more confident in what I want to do," or "After I pray about it more," or "I have to many responsibilities to go after that." Let them go and have faith in the God that created you.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

God´s power is at work in us... "His vision and His spirit are at work within us, and that is more than enough potential for our needs." It is important to seek balance in our lives... But what a waste if that is our sole aim. I read in a book recently..." True balance is the maintenance of equilibrium while moving toward a destination. A good example of this truth is the way a ship functions on the ocean. A ship always needs to maintain balance. Wouldn't it be a waste of precious time and fuel, however, for a boat to expend all its energy just trying to balance on the water so that it didn't tip over? ...A ship keeps its balance as it makes its way to a specific port. Likewise, we need to have a destination while we're maintaining balance in our lives."

I feel more hope and joy in my return that I would have thought possible. And this is only because I am beginning to realize the vision God has for my life. And know matter how long it takes or how hard it is (and I'm sure it will be) I find excitement in knowing that Im working towards it!!!! Each step I take now... Is just a step to bigger and better things... and I know that even along the way... God is going to be using me to touch peoples lives.

Yes God IS Alive

MMM.... well this is a touchy subject and to be honest I dont really feel comfortable talking about it... but God has been talking to me about and so I feel like I need to...

Everyday I learn more and more that God is alive, that Jesus is alive... and that not only is He alive, but He is alive and working in me... my family... my church... Mexico... and all over the world... He has plans in motion and people moving... and everyday I am sooo thankful for that... God is alive and movin..!!!

But sometimes I think that we forget (because its not that pleasant to think about) that God is not the only one alive and working. There is an enemy that is constantly moving and planing and trying to stop the plans of God... I think that sometimes we just unconsciencely imagine Satin just sitting in hell waiting for the end of the world... What a lie... he is fighting for souls just like God... I cant pretend to imagine why God has allowed Satin to keep the authority and power that he has but...

What I do know that God´s power is infinintly greater... and becuase He lives in us we have a certain degree of power and authority also... and its more than all of the servents of the devil put together... And we need to be in unity... fighting and praying together... and working against the enemy... depending on God for wisdom and discernment... and depending on eachother for encouragement and growing together... I believe that a revival is possible in our families and in our church... but there is one word that I feel has been lacking in a lot of areas lately (meaning months and years) and that is UNITY... UNITED... working together...not just in the church but outside... in our businesses... in our families... in our communities... in our schools... praying together... not just like at dinner but for hours everyweek... children wanting to spend time in prayer with parents... parents with children.... brothers and sisters... praying and seeking wisdom together... the youth going out and serving in the communities... and just a whole lot of sharing love!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe that this is one of the biggest (if not the biggest one) way to show God to people... In a world so full of hate and fear and sadness (as seen in the young man in Virginia Tech)... I believe that just even a little love can make a difference... Cnn said that the roomates of the man told them that he had on several occasions talked about killing himself... "I might as well just kill myself" I wonder what kind of difference it would have made in his life if those roomates had gone to him and hugged him and expressed their love for him and that their love stems from a love that is even more powerful and more pure and more unconditional... The love of Jesus Christ.... who knows... maybe he would have rejected everything that they told him and the event would have taken place anyway... but I sure think its what God wants from us and that it is worth the chance!

Hate is soooo small next to love... real love... And this is the weapon that im gonna choose to fight the enemy...and dont get me wrong... I know that its not always easy... its work for us to love everyone all the time... but what work is more important and rewarding... its gonna be hard though... we are going to have to surrender fear, embarrasment, selfishness and a long list of other stuff... It might seem a little naive... or ignorant... but trust me... IT JUST "SEEMS" THAT WAY....its not ignorance... its enlightenment... Thank you Jesus for your love....

Just Kinda a Funny Story

Be patient... I swear that this blog has to do with God...

So... when I was an intern at CMC... for the first six months I lived with my big brother Nick... It was a little pile of a house in Keyport... well it was tiny and sorta made me think of a cottage... haha... dont really know why... the house was empty.. only my brothers bed and and endtable that the tv was on...er maybe it was on the stereo... anyway... i slept on the living room floor... but his room was just off of the living room so even when we were in our "beds"we were still able to talk and stuff... we would watch tv together (mostly Moulin Rouge)... and sometimes he would come home at like 1 in the morning with jack in the box and we would eat.. and because we just ate jack in the box we felt we couldnt go right back to sleep so we would watch more Moulin Rouge... and we went almost everywhere together... i loved riding in his car with him... and sitting in the house doing nothing with him... starving with him (all we had in the fridge ever was tabasco and soy nuts) freezing with him (it was winter and the house had no heat or insulation) i would follow him all around the house just cuz i didnt like to be away from him... even when he was in the bathroom (not using it ok... brushin his teeth er somethin) i would stand in the door and keep talking to him... i love him soo much (and of coarse still do)... i never wanted to be a way from him

All that to say... God brought this to my mind last night... I was having a day yesterday (dont really know how to explain what kinda day... just a day) so i asked the pastor if i could go to the church to pray and have some alone time with God instead of going to the Rehabilitation Center... he said yes... so i went... well i was there from 3 pm to 9:30 pm... thats like 6 hours... and i prayed and worshiped and read my bible for the whole time... before this trip that wasnt something i could easily have done (probably impossible) but the funny thing was that even after six hours of it i didnt really want to leave... well during that six hours God brought me the memory of living with my brother Nick... and He said to me....

This is what Im like with you!!!!! That He wants to be around me all the time... Not only does He love me (and this goes for you too) but He likes me sooo much that He follows me around all day... just like a little brother with his big brother... If i go here.. He wants to come... If i go there... He wants to go... But the really amazing part is... He isnt just hanging out along side of me... The Spirit of God... the one who created you and me and the stars and oceans and pandas... That same God (well really the only one there is) His Spirit lives... right inside of me... INSIDE OF ME... and if your a christian... INSIDE OF YOU TOO!!!... just stop and think about that for a second...mmm...pretty crazy if you ask me... this is a common knowledge among chritians but i think that sometimes we forget its implications... His love, patience, joy, peace, wisdom, discernment, guidence (this list goes on)... these arent things that we have to go looking for somewhere else... this things are alive in us!!!!!! They came to us with His Holy Spirit... they are all there.. waiting for use to use and take advantage of... and to share with other people... And i really think we forget the impications of the authority that comes with it as well... Really the authority to do amazing things in his name... but thats a whole different topic!!!!!!! Just remember... God wants to hang out with you today!

LOVE

Well, thats a BIG subject to write about... but its what this trip has really been about for me. Day after day after day after day I learn more about God´s love and what it means in my life. If you know me... you know that I cry... and well im not usually really ashamed of it... but in the recent weeks I sure do cry more...But its not out of sadness or loneliness like in the beginning of the trip... Its simply when I think about God... or my family... or even silly things like... When I think about things that I love and know love me in return. People that I wouldnt even have hardly considered friends... I now feel so much love for... For people I dont even know... my heart cries for...When I think about the youth in the Kitsap Peninsula and how lost sooo many of them are... And how much I wish that I could show them the love that I have discovered... Just let see a little bit of what is in my mind and heart...

Something that God recently showed me...(and I knew long ago, but never really let this all sink in) is that my love is a reflection of His. When I think about this I can hardly contain myself. It brings me to tears so easy. To know that I am able to love my family sooo passionately and my friends and people who are lost... is all because God loves me sooooo much. The more that I let Him love me, the more I in turn am able to love others. The more I let Him love me the more I am able to love Him... Every time I think about how much I love my sister Pam... or my brother Samuel or any of my others... every time... I think about the fact that love did not originate inside of me but it comes from God my Father... His love is so special and real. While it IS some cosmic thing that we cant understand,... His love is also something very intimate and personal and real. The closer I get to Him the more I realize that His love really is like that of a Father. The ultimate Father.

Now sometimes when im missin home I just sit down and think about my family. One time when I was sitting in the Center of Rehabilitation that we go to every week... I was day dreaming about what it was gonna be like in the airport when I arrive back in Seattle. I was thinking that I was going to cry the moment I saw one of my family... lots of smiling and hugging and kissing... and lots and lots of crying... All because of this amazing love that God has blessed me with for them. And how happy I was going to be to be reunited with them. God suddenly stopped me in my thoughts and made me think about the story of the Prodigal Son... this story came alive to me in that moment... How the father in the story was sooo happy to have his son back, not caring about anything in the past or anything else, only that his son was back... God showed me... He really is that Father... When we slip into religious routine.... or into sin... or just out of intimacy with Him... that is how He feels upon our return to Him.... not holding our wrongs against us.. but running to us... He showed me that the love and joy that I will feel when I see my family and am back with them is only a hint of what His love is like for us... for me.. for my brothers and sisters... I cant imagine the depths of His love....

It fills me with compassion and praise for everyone that is around me. For members of my family who have a challenging time walking with God because of things that have happened in their past... the way people or other family members (including myself) have treated them....how some of my brothers or sisters have anger issues because of the way their father treated them... or how they have been blinded from God´s love bye things that have made them unhappy perverted their idea of what love really is... But God has given them to me... to ME... and me to them... And all I have to do is keep praying for them.... and as I allow God to love me and in turn love Him... that love is going to spill out to my family and to my friends and even to strangers... God has given me visions... of people who are close to me being reunited to Him... visions of Him using ME (in spite of all my faults) to bring people that I love and cherish back to Him... or even to Him for the first time... Visions of what my family would look like if we were completely united under His beautiful and powerful name... I have seen it and I know that its coming... God has giving me so much purpose and vision for my life the last three weeks... Something that I have never had before... AND I'M EXCITED

MMM... The Other Tangible

Well this would be the construction of the classrooms for the children. What was only one day a week in the past has become my everyday work. But its odd how little I mind the work.

We work from 9 to 12 noon. The first week of this was all digging. This is challenging because the earth is really really REALLY hard here. We dug 10 holes about 2 foot by 2 foot by 3 feet deep. And this is Mexico... its been in the upper 80 to low 90s... thats pretty warm... We then dug 1 foot by 1 foot by 10 foot long trenches between all of the wholes.

Today we started the pouring of the concrete. As a construction worker at home I was once again reminded of how different construction is here... having to hand mix all of the gravel, sand, cement and water was a big difference. Not to mention the water came from a house three blocks away (about 1 and a half football fields- 450 yrds) And we got to carry two five gallon buckets of water from the house to the construction site... each bucket weighing about 40 lbs each... I think that its safe to say that upon my return im going to be able to enter the world strongest man competitions...

All in all I dont mind the work. Which is odd because when I had to do this type of manual labor in my construction job at home... i was always really grumpy about it... and I got paid then. I think thats what the difference is though. I was doing it for money back then (something that was nice to have but didnt really care all that much about) and now I know that im doing solely for God and for the children here... and that fills with immeasurably more satisfaction. I was reminded today of how much less the children here have and how some things like a classroom can make such a difference in their lives. I was filling up my buckets of water at the house when a long came this little girl, maybe 1 and a half, she was completely alone. She didnt have any shoes and her close where so worn and dirty that I was immediately filled with compassion and fear for here. In her hands were three bottles... and it looked liked she wanted me to fill them with the water... so I filled one with water and gave it back to her... I didnt think about it before but she was thirsty... So she tried to drink the water... It broke my heart, but I couldnt let her because the water outside is to dirty to drink. And there was no other water for me to give her. She played with me for a minute and then left by herself again... Seeing that made me want to work so much harder and faster. If all I can do for them right now is help build some classrooms,... then im going to do it till I pass out from exhaustion.

The Tangible

Well... as I have said in the past, its been hard for me to see physical fruit of my work here (for the most part)... so Im going to start of with a blog concerning what little I can see.

For about a month or a month and a half we have (the church youth) had the idea to put on a graffiti competition for the youth here in Mazatlan. Something to attract them and possibly show them a little of what we are all about. We got the idea for this outreach from the YWAM base during the week of Carnaval. They had one and we saw how extremely well it went. Tons of youth showed up and this opened the door for a whole lot of ministry. Seeing this we took the idea and ran with it.

For the next two week or so there was really only a lot of brainstorming and idea throwing. However, the following week Toni, David and me began to put the thoughts into action. Pablo, an "employee" of the church, who is very good at computer design (oddly enough), came up with a design for some posters and and fliers. With the help of one of the church members we were able to print off thousands of each of them. Also Pablo came up with a design for some outreach tshirts.

We collectively come up with the money for the tshirts and purchased one for everyone. Although what the shirts said was a little clicheish in english... I think that it worked here. They read "By faith alone I was saved," as much as the statement may be a cliche... Its Truth. They had it printed in english so that when the Spanish speaking youth saw it they would be enticed to ask about it. (im not sure if this tactic worked, but I thought it was a good idea).

For two weeks we (the youth) walked through the streets passing out the fliers to ever person we saw. Taping posters to telephone poles and store walls and doors. Going house to house through countless neighborhoods giving each and every house a flier. Going from business to business asking for gift donations for the winner of the competition. Asking for spray paint donations, going to the city hall to get permission to hold the event, and countless other things. We did this for something like 4 hours in the morning and 4 more in the evening (sometimes...). Through the grace of God we were able to come up with more than enough spray paint and canvas for the competition... we got the prize for the THREE winners... and we passed out all of the fliers and posters with out dying from physical exhaustion!!!!!

The day of the competition was another one of the days for me where I was just amazed at the youth here. We showed up at 9 in the morning to clean. We spent hours picking up garbage (and there is a lot, no liter laws here)... sweeping the dirt to get all the garbage out of the park. Cutting brush away from paths, picking vines out of the fences and getting everything as nice as possible. The 30 canvas we hung up on this very large fence.

The event started with christian and non christian rap blaring out of the rented sound system attracting all sorts of youth. Im not sure of the number but I would say about 200-350 people came and went throughout the night. The competitors ranged from harmless 12 year olds to seasoned gangsters. It was incredible to see the artistic abilities that these kids on the street had. Some of them were actually really impressive. I wish I had pictures to show, but unfortunately my camera broke a few weeks ago. There was a small rap show where some of the youth were able to get on the mic and rap for a bit. This brought all the youth around and close together. Then one of the youth from the church who used to be involved with the gangs here gave his testimony and their was an "alter call." Unfortunately the church didnt do any follow up stuff for those who accepted Christ, so I don't even have any idea how many if any did. But I feel sure that what we did reached some of them... and I leave it in God´s hands to do the rest.

Being involved in this did a number of things for me. Some are impossible to explain but here's what I can... It broke down fear that I have had to approach people. I was able to go house to house and store to store, in a country where I don't even speak the language well, and give out fliers and say what little I could in Spanish. I gave me a heart for outreaches. And through this God provided me with vision.... This is the biggest thing for me, Vision, and so you'll have to wait to here about it in a different blog.