CARNAVAL

Well...this is basically the big spring break thing in Mazatlan. It last about a week and thousands of people come for it. My church (Torre Fuerte) linked up with the YWAM base here for the week and we worked together doing various ministries...

The first night of Carnaval, me and a small group of Mexicans went into Carnaval because I wanted to get a sense of what it was like and to see for myself what was the big deal... After we paid to get in, they separated all the men into one line and all the women into another...slowly we began to pass through the entrance. They let about 15 men go through...and I was about to walk away when they stopped us and 15 men with machine guns and body armor ( that were apparently hiding in the shadows because I hadnt noticed them) put all of us to a wall and then frisked us. Now this wouldnt have been that big of a deal...except... I was separated from my Mexicans and didnt know what the heck was going on... Mexican law keepers seem to be a little more frightening to me???? Well, when I was done getting molested I regrouped with my friend and we started walking deeper into Carnaval. It didnt take me very long to see and feel why so many people were concerned with what happens there...We walked along in silence (mostly because I didnt feel like I could talk) I was horrified with how many people were running around the street drunk...and all kinds other things that I wont list. I felt such a strong sense of the enemies presence in there that It took all the joy out of me...I wish that I could put into words all the things that ran through my head that night...but it is impossible. I made me realize, though, that there are a lot of the things that the Devil has control of and that if we dont challenge him...he isnt going to be challenged. That is why there was almost a hundred people from my church and YWAM and other places committed to ministry that week...we wanted to challenge him...and we had all the authority, given by Jesus, to do so...

One of the ministries was going into Carnaval every night and ministering to people that were actually in there...however...I didnt think that my heart was strong enough for that so I stayed a few blocks from the entrance where multiply other ministries were taking place... There was a worship service...An intercession and prayer group... Two coffee bars hounded with Christians... a graffiti contest and others I cant remember. For the most part I handed out tracts (I dont like to call them...but I dont know what else to call them) and invited them to the coffee places... I honestly had a really hard time that week.

One of the nights the YWAM base came to our church to pray for Carnaval. This was when my week started to become more difficult. I prayed that night that God would break my heart for the people in Carnaval...To give me as much as I could handle...To let me feel a piece of what He feels for them. Well,...He answered my prayer and I think that He answered it completely...and He literally gave me as much sorrow and compassion as I could handle. It felt a little like depression,...It was a sadness that I felt I couldnt bare. I felt like I wanted to run in there and start screaming at the top of my lungs at all the people...and tell them about the amazing God that I have come to know...and about His love...but instead all I was doing was handing out paper and saying a few words (cafe...es gratis...pasale por favor) Although I wanted to do more...I was mortified...And this created a huge battle between my body and my soul. My soul wanted to do everything I possible could...but my body was so gripped with fear that I didnt do anything. This filled me with anger and sadness,...I felt like I was failing God and giving into fear. I came here to be used and because of fear...I felt like I wasnt being used at all....

I prayed soo hard that week. And for the first time I felt like God was telling me to fast. It was only a day (because it was in the heart of my sickness...ya know the riha) But I felt like I heard God so clear that day...And He took that guilt away from me and He told me that it was ok...To get up and try again...this wouldn't be my last opportunity to face that fear...

I read in a book recently this statement...and even though it is relatively simple...it spoke very loudly to me... "God knows what to do with those who have confirmed their rebellion. But He is merciful to those of His children who fall frequently while learning to walk." - I GIVE YOU AUTHORITY.... When we fall...or slip away from intimacy...or give into fear, He isnt sitting up in heaven pissed off...Hes looking at us with compassion, with His hands out saying..."Come on, get back up...I know you can do it..." and this fills me with hope and gives me just a little be clearer idea of what His love is like...